Thursday, April 1, 2010

Review: JLA #43

WARNING: This review will contain spoilers! So, don't be a baby if you read something you didn't want to know yet!

I apparently hate myself today, because I chose to review Justice League of America #43. I'll let the rest of this review speak for that statement, read on!

The issue begins with a flashback from Green Arrows perspective. We see the JLA, the old one featured on the cover on the left, fighting the Shaggy Man (why does this seem familiar?). After the battle is over, we then cut back to Green Arrow being alone at the Watchtower. He's fighting off the bad guys that broke in last issue (Now I remember! Grant Morrison already did these stories! They were better when he did them! -1,000 points!). It looks like Green Arrow is in trouble guys!

I'm going to sidetrack from the story for a second if you don't mind, because this is bugging me. These villains that he's fighting, an evil version of the New Gods I guess, are just horribly designed. I just wanted you to know how ugly I think they are. One of them looks like Fortress from Image United, which is a sin against my eyes (I threw up in my mouth a hundred times just writing that sentence -1,000 points).

Anyways, back to the "action". We cut to Blackhawk Island, where the rest of the Justice League is fighting the other half of the group of villains that invaded the Watchtower. Keep in mind, I don't have a group name for these villains. That's because one has not been provided by the author. I would address them by their name, as opposed to the generic term "villains", if I could. I do know that one of them is call Chair though...yep, just Chair. It would be cool if all the villains were named after furniture, but sadly this isn't the case (Not having a villain named Papasan -100 points). There are only two positive things that occur in the next six pages. The first thing is that Batman doesn't help them fight, he just sits on the sideline, thinking about how this team sucks (at least we're on the same page +500 points). The second thing, there is a talking Gorilla man on this team (thank f@#$%^ god +500 points).

We the cut back to the Watchtower, Green Arrow is on the run from the villains and ducks into the room where Red Tornado's head and body are (UGH! Red Tornado?? Could this issue get worse? -500 points). In case you don't know, Red Tornado is a robot, hence the being alive while being in two parts thing. Anyways, Red Tornado manages to control his headless body and dispatches the villains when they arrive with a wind blast. The villains take off after that. Green Arrow takes off as well, in an emo huff. The head of Red Tornado is slightly annoyed by this (the body is indifferent -100 points).

Meanwhile on Blackhawk Island, the rest of the team is STILL arguing with each other (I hate this -500 points). They then head back to the Watchtower and discover it's been trashed by the bad guys. They talk to Red Tornado's head and blah blah blah blah!

I won't punish you with the details of the rest of this issue. In short, they fight some more lame bad guys, and the villains open a gateway into the multi-verse. It's a convoluted mess, and I feel bad deducting more points at this point.

I'm not going to deduct points for this, but I want to keep a joke rolling...

- No Spider-Man (no points deducted out of pity)
- No Bikinis (no points deducted out of pity)

So, the final tally is... -2,200 points. This issue was a crapfest!

-Action Chad

1 comment:

  1. Wow, this is brutal. I loved it. Another multiverse story? Aaaaah! The -500 points for Red Tornado just being there made me laugh out loud.