** This review contains spoilers! So don't be hatin' on me if you readin' somethin' you don't like, ya dig? **
The Siege of Asgard is in full effect, in 2 issues no less! This is kind of a rarity in big stories nowadays (not spending 3 issues messing around in the Savage Land +500 points). Norman Osborn and his Dark Avengers have been beating the crap out of the Asgardians. Normans crew apparently brought their "A" game today as a bunch of D list villains have managed to take down Thor! (Thor having an off day or something? -300 points). Things are looking pretty grim for Asgard at this point.
In the midst of battle it is revealed to Ares that Norman lied to him about the intentions for invading Asgard (what do you mean there is no WMD'S?? +200 points). Perturbed by this new information, he heads off looking for Norman. His intention is to cut his head off for this deception (That's how a man solves a problem! Decapitation! +500 points).
Before Thor is arrested Maria Hill shows up with a bazooka, machine gun and an old pickup truck. Somehow, she manages to completely own the group of villains that just took down Thor with these items (maybe Thor should carry an enchanted bazooka? -500 points). She rescues Thor, with the help of a yokel, and drives him back to the nearby town (I used the word yokel in this review! +100 points)
Captain America #1 has a meeting, and basically says Norman Osborn is a jerk and he is sick of his crap. He wants to get a posse together so he can go kick the crap out of him. Everyone in the room, which includes the New Avengers, Secret Warriors and the Young Avengers, all agree. They gear up and get ready to go rock and roll. (Spider-Man is in this scene, hooray! +500 points)
We then cut back to Asgard to see that Ares has caught up with Norman. Just as he is getting ready to cut his head off, The Sentry attacks Ares. A brutal fight ensues between Ares and The Sentry, which is toppling buildings all over Asgard. The Sentry gains the upper hand and then proceeds to rip Ares in half!! (You stupid meth addict! I hate you!! - 1000 points). Naturally, everyone is a little taken aback by this!
While the body ripping is going on, Daken has located Thor in the city and is preparing to engage him. Unfortunately for Daken, Thor summons several lightning bolts down which burns him, brutally (I'll take the Kentucky Fried Daken value meal, with a side of mashed potatoes and a Pepsi, K thnx +500 points).
Norman, annoyed that Thor just cooked one of his guys, sends The Sentry after Thor. Taskmaster then yells to Norman to turn around. As he does, you see Cap's shield coming at him in the reflection of his helmet! (FINALLY!! It's on now!! +500 points!)
The issue end at that point, so let's recap!
- no bikinis (-200 points)
- no usage of the phrase "mamma jamma" (-100 points)
- no Iron Fist (-100 points)
- Oliver Coipel's art is AMAZING (+1000 points)
Final Tally = 1600 points! Damn! This one is a keeper folks!
Until next time!