Thursday, May 6, 2010

Red Bore-nado

I drank a whole bottle of hater-ade today and I'm ready to unleash it on the Red Tornado!

I've been reading up on this character, so I can give him a proper assessment. According to his history, his fellow super heroes (Superman, Batman, JSA) have a tendency to do the following...

1. Not listen to him
2. hate him
3. destroy him

That's funny to me because...

1. I don't read anything he says
2. I hate him
3. Would destroy him if I could

It's nice to know that me and Superman are on the same page about this clown.

I'm dead serious about his history though. It's littered with the JLA and JSA ignoring him whenever danger is around. He's like the red headed stepchild (that spins) of the DC universe. That's funny to me because that's exactly how I have always felt about this character.

I can only imagine that when Superman and Batman are beating down on some bad guys, the last thing they want to see is this stupid robot spinning towards them to help. They must think "Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....not THIS guy". If they really wanted to spin a bad guy into submission, I'm sure they would just lock them in a tilt-a-whirl at an amusement park or something. I'm sure Batman has some Batspineroonie gadget or some crap. Superman can spin pretty fast too, I'm assuming. What I'm getting at is that they don't need him. Maybe if they ever have an opening in the JLA for "smoothie maker" or "annoying thing that spins", they should give him a call.

The only time I have liked him, is in James Robinson's recent JLA run. That's only because he's a disembodied head that sits around being bored in a room. A fitting place for this sorry excuse of a super hero. If they stuck with that gimmick, he may grow on me. They have to make him more depressing though. They need to have multiple scenes an issue where he tries to talk to people that walk by, and they ignore him. That's good readin'!

Basically, the Red Tornado is a glorified blender that nobody likes.

Deal with that.

-Action Chad


  1. What do you mean? This guy is one of the greatest androids ever. I mean, he got to bang the Scarlett Witch before she went nutty, he's an Avenger, and he...what's that?...oh, he's that other android...well who gives a fuck about him?

  2. . I'm hurt action chad I love reddy but do agree he's been an underused gimmick. He has a great origin and backstory but someone like hank pym needs to come in and re-invent this guy into a construct like jocasta or ultron . DC just irritates me how they don't do more progressive character development like marvel. If the jla made red into their headquarters version of jarvis in the marvel u id love it.