Friday, March 5, 2010

Review of Ultimate Avengers #5


I gotta tell you guys, I was going through the comics that came out this week and thought it was a lot of talking and whining. I had given up hope on there being something truly awesome...until I heard a rumbling in the sky. I looked up and saw the clouds part, a ray of light beaming through. The gods of action and awesomeness spoke to me.

"Action Chad! We know how you like things that kick ass, so here is the latest copy of Ultimate Avengers #5. It will dominate your face off, which by proxy means it is also rad. Enjoy this gift my son. Now if you will excuse us, we're going to ride super dirt bikes on an active nuclear volcano."

The gods are good to me! Now let's get down to the review!

The book starts off with Nick Fury telling War Machine (War Machine is the size of a freakin' bus! +100 points) a little story about how evil the Red Skull is. This particular scene really should be read, instead of me telling you exactly what happens. That's why I'll only tell you that it involves an old pair of scissors, a baby being thrown out of a window, and the Red Skull getting trashed in his victims house. Put it together any way you want, the guy is as evil as they come. (The Red Skull having a pie eating grin on his face after playing shot put with a baby +1,000 points).

We then head to Alaska (Ugh, Alaska! -500 points) were we find the new Avengers team has arrived to stop A.I.M. from completing a cosmic cube. What they find upon arriving at the base is that all of the A.I.M. soldiers are dead! The Red Skull then reveals himself, wielding a cosmic cube! The Avengers attempt to shoot him with what looks a thousand bullets, with no effect. The Red Skull informs them that he now has an impenetrable force field, limitless power, and the reason why the AIM soldiers are dead is because he told them to eat each other. (I told you this guy was brutal!! +1,000 points). He then smacks the crap out of the Avengers, claiming he needs practice using the cube.

Meanwhile, back in France...

Captain America is being led to an interrogation room by the French police. They taunt him along the way. They're upset about his line from the first Ultimates series, where he implied the French surrender at the drop of a hat while cutting off a skrulls head with his shield (I remember that! Good times! +500 points). Cap then reveals that he has set up an elaborate tracking system to track down the Avengers, which should then lead him to the Red Skull. He then breaks free of his handcuffs and beats up everyone in the room.(Booyah! +500 points) The same cop that was giving Cap grief then ends up surrendering after one punch! Cap ends up throwing the guy through a door for good measure (Cap actually throws anyone, that proves one of his statements correct, through a door. It's just something he does. +500 points). He then goes and steals an experimental jet, programs it to track the Avengers, beats up a few more French guys, and blasts off! Nick Fury radios and tells him to stop, but this is Caps response...

(OH SNAP! Cap just told you! +1,000 points)

That's how it ends guys! I can't wait until issue 6! This issue was so action packed and awesome, I had trouble finding anything wrong with it. However, I did think of two things that were wrong.

- No bikinis (-500 points)
- No Spider-Man (-500 points)

Final tally comes to... 3,100 points! DOMINATION!! I loved this issue! You will too! Go buy it right now!!

Also, I leave you with this photoshopped panel from the book. If you've read the baby scene, then you will enjoy this.

Until next time,
Action Chad